Meeting Christ whilst going through the motions

I have now attended three RCIA classes covering such diverse topics as the nature of the Church, the sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation and Healing and Ecumenism. There was, it must be admitted, nothing too challenging or surprising which is probably understandable when almost everyone else on the course is converting due to a spouse or family member who is already a Catholic.

Sometimes it feels like I am only attending to tick all the right boxes, to show willing so I can do what in my heart I know is the right thing. But then I stop and realise that the last eighteen months has meant facing challenges in my own life and issues in my marriage that this has brought to the surface. The specific time since January that I have attended the RCIA group has been an intensive time of self-reflection where I have had to come face-to-face with my own sinfulness and failures, and to bring to the fore those dreams for my life that haven't come true.

Last week I was able to go on a retreat day hosted by our Bishop. The talks were excellent (especially the Bishop's passionate defence of the centrality of the Eucharist) but it was the chance to pray before the sacrament for an hour, thinking through the many heartaches and worries I have, giving them to God and praying for my family and my rather precarious work situation. In the midst of all of these worries I found Christ again, I knew his presence was there; and I knew that, in the end all would be well.

"Where the bishop appears, there let the people be"

Wherever the bishop appears, there let the people be; as wherever Jesus Christ is, there is the Catholic Church. It is not lawful to baptise or give communion without the consent of the bishop. On the other hand, whatever has his approval is pleasing to God. (St Ignatius, Letter to the Smyrnaeans)

St Ignatius of Antioch

For a while I owned the trade magazine for the religious publishing and retail industry here in the UK. After I sold it in 2002 I continued to write articles for the new owner. One rather daunting task was an extended round-up of titles on Church history - from the popular to the academic. With my growing awareness of the breadth of Christianity I made sure I included titles from Catholic and Orthodox perspectives and publishers.

In the extensive reading for preparation for the article I can remember being startled, ut somewhat encourage, by a number of things. The Real Presence in the Eucharist was there from the earliest post-Apostolic writers and, most importantly at that moment, the Episcopacy. My Christian formation up to this point was essentially Baptist - local Churches that are self-governing with a multiplicity of 'elders' governing the congregation. I had thought until recently at this point that this was the 'clear teaching' of Scripture. The evidence from the few generations after the apostles gave me considerable pause for thought.

In particular, the quote above from the early Church Father St Ignatius was light a lightening bolt that illuminated, initially briefly, the centrality of the Episcopacy for the validity of the Church. Without a Bishop there was no true Church, and no guarantee of the presence of Christ.

It took another eight years, and much more research, for this to form into a convinced belief in the importance of Apostolic succession. The implications of this became clear to me in 2011 but it took another eighteen months before I finally started to act on it.